How I Broke The Marauder's Heart
by a beautiful catastrophe
Summary: "Good morning, girls, what are you-" I cut him off and yelled at the boys, "A fair maiden is in need of a knight! A bodyguard! Remy, dearest! Jamesie-deer! Black! Worm guy! Save meeeee!" And with that, or rather, with no warning, I jumped onto Remus, who had been looking at us with amusement. a very cliché tale of mary sue-esque girls, hurtful boys and big egos - let chaos ensue.
1. Once Upon A Time

**This is the new and improved version of the Prologue so yeah. It's a lot better than the old one, the old one was utter shit.**

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Once upon a time, there were two _power-hungry _rivals named Sirius Black and Rhiannon Sylvestre – and you don't know half of what they did to each other to get their way, to get what they wanted, but more so, to ruin _or you could even say sabotage each other's lives._

They did anything and everything to tear each other's life into nothing. There was only room for one monarch in the kingdom.

Rhia was smart, evasive, manipulative and confident. She had the looks, the charm, the power; she was perfect in every way possible known to Hogwarts. As for her weaknesses, she had had hidden them inside herself and locked them up in a place where no one could reach. She would do everything in her power to get her "happily ever after".

Sirius was intelligent, sly, persuasive and dauntless. He was the one that had girls with dyed blonde hair, smudge free Rimmel lipstick in "Rogue Red" and Dior sunglasses kissing his feet, the one that had the effortless Outstanding in every exam he took, not to mention his prodigy-esque talent as a beater in Quidditch. To sum it up, he had the same level of perfection as Rhia.

He had one key weakness that she needed to pinpoint to bring him down.

_He secretly was head over heels for her._

Over a matter of time, she found out. Even though he didn't make it the slightest bit obvious to his best mates, the marauders.

And slowly but with great caution Rhia lured Sirius into her trap, like a doe being hunted by a huntsman.

She made him feel euphoric, before yanking him down, out of the clouds.

I recall a part of the conversation going like this:

_"I thought you loved me!" he cried, wincing at how naïve he sounded. "You said you loved me, and I believed you." His desperate plea decrescended down to a single whisper. All confidence he had left, slowly seeped away._

_"Loved? Loved you? You really thought I loved you?" she laughed cruelly, smirking widely, "I was merely getting revenge all the hearts you've broken. You're no more than any other boy to me, Black, and you never will be. I pity your loss." She shook her head at Sirius' unreignable look of hurt._

_A sardonic sneer that showed pure arrogance only few people could master was displayed across her pale face now, one that would have made Bellatrix proud._

You should be wary of who's on your side of the game and who's on the rivals' team. Because I, Rhia Sylvestre, am the one who is telling you the story and I know all about revenge, or should I say sabotaging.

_Be careful of who you befriend. And remember, think twice before trying to come near me, I'm a backstabber and proud._

And you know what?

I got Black to shut his bloody mouth about our rendezvous. The night I "agreed" to date him, I said I only would if it was a secret from the public, I swore him to keep it from Lily, James, Remus, Marlene and Peter.

_They still don't know. They never will as long as I live. _

**Mark my words.**

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	2. Of Rhia Being A Prodigy At Life

**A/N: This chapter is re-written just in case you wanted to know :)**

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Like usual, it was a typical day at Beauxbatons. Professor Deslorié was giving a lecture on etiquette and appearance. As she droned on and on, I began to tap my fingers against the table.

"Zylvestre!" A voice hissed behind me.

I turned around and directed a fakely sweet smile at the girl who's lips had spoken those words.

"Can I help you, LaRosse?" I asked her, faking a polite tone. It was Sylvestre with a S. Darn these veelas.

"Quit zat! I am zrying to visten to Mademoiselle Deslorié!" she exclaimed.

"Sorry, but no can do." I gave her my most charming smile and continued to annoy the hell out of her.

"If you von't stop zat-" her threat was interrupted by a girl bursting through the classroom.

"Mademoiselle Deslorié!" the girl exclaimed, obviously panting for breath, "Vee need to evacuate! Vere zis a mass death eater intruzion!"

Everything turned to chaos. Girls were screaming, trying to save themselves, while others were dueling masked figures who would probably kill them soon.

"Suivez-moi, Mademoiselle Sylvestre, dépêchez!"

A professor I hadn't known existed at Beauxbatons tugged at my crimson gown I was wearing for ballroom dancing lessons that was supposed to occur later today. I followed after her, holding up the trail of the dress after me.

"Où allons-nous?" I attempted to kick off my matching heels (or torture machine) because running in heels is a skill that I can't master. I wedged the heels underneath one of my arms, before running at a faster pace than before.

"L'extérieur du château!" she told me.

After weaving through a crowd of panicking people, some duelling pairs and various others, I made it outside, and ran for the pale blue carriages. Once inside, I started panicking. Where would we go? What would we do? Ugh. I, Rhiannon Sylvestre do not like being scared, freaked out, or anything relative to the former.

I'm (supposed to be) brave, bold, bitchy, rude, awesome (definitely) and an outcast. And outcast is a also definite thing I am. Beauxbatons were racist - if your hair wasn't platinum blonde, you weren't elite. If you weren't a part-veela, then you were rejected. And I feel into the category of veela-less traits. With dirty blonde hair, no veela relatives, I was definitely a freak of nature to them.

Sad.

Well, if I was a freak, then breaking the heart of Sirius Black is legit.

Wait- did I just hear that we were landing at Hogwarts? Oh, shit.

Life just got worse.

Life just royally stuffed me up.

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**French - English Translations**

**Suivez-moi, Mademoiselle Sylvestre, dépêchez - Follow me, Miss Sylvestre, hurry**

**Où allons-nous - where are we going**

**L'extérieur du château - outside the castle**

**Writing this chapter was fun (and I mean fun by writing her dictionary/thesaurus terms).**

**Review!**

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	3. Of Sirius Dominating The Population

**A/N: I've edited this chapter into something more epic :) enjoy**

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I swear, Rhiannon Sylvestre is the most fucking inhuman creature to even walk on Merlin's green earth.

What titles of honor shall I give her?

Saboteur, heartbreaker, ice queen, bitch, sardonic bitch, Bellatrix junior- okay, maybe she's not _that _cruel but ever still, cruel, nevertheless. Cruel as in, trying to ruin my life from year one all the way to year two, and then pretending to fancy me in year three (mind you, a bit after that I guess I did fall in...erm, "love" with her, oh shut the hell up - I know I sound like a pansy), then we got together (as in "she didn't want the public to know because she didn't want fangirls hating on her" so we were together unofficially AKA she didn't want Evans to know what she was up to) and then at the end of year three, she announced she was going to leave to France, dumped me and next thing you know, she was in France.

And guess what?

Ever so conveniently, Beauxbatons (that wizarding school in France) just had an death eater attack (and here I was, thinking Beauxbatons had good safety measures because it's unplottable) and sent their sixth and seventh years over to Hogwarts (meaning the rise of the devil herself, Rhi- I mean Sylvestre).

AND NOW THE DEVIL WALKS IN THROUGH THE DOOR.

SHIT.

OH NO.

AND SHE APPROACHES MY BEST MATE. JAMIE! I FEAR FOR YOUR LIFE! RUN PRONGSIEEEE!

She should be lining up to get sorted, shouldn't she? Oh, wait, but then again, she got sorted into Gryffindor already, who knows how long ago. Actually, about four years ago.

Right.

And then I hear her voice.

"-totally epic. I mean, James, it was like a holiday. Minus wearing the dresses, you know? I mean, wearing this ugly red dress is, like, blech."

It all crashes down on me. The sound of her tinkling voice (that now sounds a bit frenchified, yet still british enough) brings back the horrible memories that I buried under the surface, and fuck, I still have a thing for her.

Life is cruel.

So, so, cruel.

"Attention, students!" Minnie's piercing voice came. "In honour of Beauxbatons, we will be hosting a ball here. Formal dress is required, and it is recommended that you bring along a date. The date is set to be on the first day of next month-"

And that's all I heard. I, Sirius Black, Hogwarts' sex god, walked (sexily) up to the Hufflepuff table and sought the attention of this girl with not very natural blonde highlights, called...something.

"Hey, Isabel." I greeted her flirtatiously, doing the smothering look, remember, smirk, widen eyes and target accomplished. Um, hopefully Isabel was her name, anyway.

She looked up at me like a deer caught in headlights.

"Um, were you talking to me? My name's Annabel." Isabel/Annabel/the girl said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Er, yeah. I've been wanting to get to know you for a long time, _Annabel_," I lied, purposefully saying Annabel to cover up that Isabel mistake (so what? Isabel is a common name!), "And, well, I just wanted to ask, would you like to go to the ball with me?"

And then I flashed _the grin._

"U-u-um, er, w-well, sure!" She stuttered, blushing a bright red. Job done.

I walked away from the Puffs table, and sat down between Moony who was talking avidly to Rhia, I mean, the devil, and Prongs who was very unsuccessfully attempting to woo Lily.

"Lily, please, give me a chance. Go out with me?" Prongs asked her, running a hand through his already messed up hair tiredly.

Prongsie's matured a bit. I'll give him that. I mean, he stopped saying, oh, evans! you are as beautiful as the stars in the night sky and as gorgeous as who knows what.

"You know my answer." Evans shook her head.

"Please-"

"No."

I turned around to hear what Moony was conversing about with Rhia, I give up on trying to remind myself to call her the devil.

"Um, Remus, so you want me to go to the ball with you?" Rhia asked, smiling at him as if he was the only guy in the world for her. I'm exaggerating. She smiled at him like they were old friends, but still, exaggeration is the newest fad, these days.

"Yeah." I wanted to be Moony right now.

She nodded and gave him another flashy smile before walking over to chat with McKinnon and Evans.

Rhiannon Sylvestre made a good impression on everyone (sadly).

Yeah, she did. Not to mention, that made me suffer.

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	4. Of The Fact James Is Abnormal

**A/N: I actually had a lot of fun writing this chapter, thoroughly inspired by one of my siblings complaining on not being able to go dress shopping! So read on!**

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I awoke to the sound of a murderous sound. One that could kill anyone.

As I buried my head in my pillow once more, Lily screeched several things that sounded vaguely, no, rather, actually a lot like this,

"RHIANNON FRIKIN MAX SYLVESTRE! YOU GET YOUR DARN SELF OUT OF BED RIGHT NOW! EVEN ALICE AND MARLENE HAVE DARNED CONMON SENSE TO ALREADY BE IN HOGSMEADE! WE ARE GOING DRESS SHOPPING IN HALF AN HOUR WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! GET YOUR PRETTY LITTLE ARSE OUT OF BED THIS INSTANT!"

Her voice was a cross between the authoritative prefect voice telling someone off and the one she used to rant about James. Which reminded me, I had to tell them that I knew about their little animagi problems.

I had knew way back that Remus was a werewolf, and he knew I knew about his little affliction, but James, Black and Peter as animagi? When did they pay attention in transfiguration? When did Black grow brains? Yeah, it's not like I wouldn't have noticed, when I was walking near the forbidden forest standing a few meters away from James and he suddenly turns into a deer-ish thing.

That was it! I'd start calling in him Jamsie-deer. Score one for me. Jamesie-deer: 0 Rhiannon: 1.

"I never said I was going dress shopping, did I?" I stated firmly, the fact was silently waving wildly in her face. "And i'm glad that my arse is appealing to you, why thank you, are you gay?" I added.

"HEY! I am not gay! You-"

The expression on her face was priceless. Priceless. I burst into giggles, which soon became fully fledged laughter. I wiped a tear of laughter away and chuckled. Bah, Lily was so uptight sometimes.

Lily bit her lip and that smile of hers was wiped off her face. She cocked an eyebrow,

"Anyway, you have a dress?" She asked me.

I didn't need to tell her I wasn't going because it was a full moon, could I?

"I don't need one. I have a-" Oh screw it. "It's a full-" I bit my tongue to stop myself for saying moon. "It's a full pineapple! Yeah that was what I was going to say!"

She looked as if I was ridiculous, she wasn't convinced, "Really? Your dress is a full pineapple?" she asked me in disbelief.

"Yeah? It is?" I tried to make sure I was convincing, but that failed, seeing as we both ended up lying on the floor, giggling.

"I already know of his affliction, if that's what you were going to say." Lily informed me, after we had calmed down. "He's a werewolf." she stated calmly.

"And the ball is on a full moon, so strictly saying, I am not going."

"Oh yes you are!" she had a rather devious smile spreading across her face.

"Aaaaaaaaah!" I shrieked a earsplitting scream before running down to the common room, then up the staircase to the marauders's dorm.

This chase with Lily behind me was so not fun.

When we got inside, James started with,

"Good morning, girls, what are you-" I cut him off and yelled at the boys,

"A fair maiden is in need of a knight! A bodyguard! Remy, dearest! Jamesie-deer! Black! Worm guy! Save meeeee!" And with that, or rather, with no warning, I jumped onto Remus, who had been looking at us with amusement.

"Aaaaaah!" he screamed.

James looked at Remus in amusement.

"You scream like a girl, Moony."

"Wouldn't you do the same when a girl jumps on you with no explanation?" he retorted, trying to get me off him.

I clung onto him like my life depended on it.

"So much for my loyal bodyguard..." I muttered under my breath.

"Potter, tell Rhiannon to go to to the ball!" Lily pleaded, with puppy dog eyes.

"The day I go to the ball, is the day, you, Lilyflower, and Jamesie-deer get married!" I declared. When I realized Remus had shoved me off, my only option was to go to Black. I didn't want to end up with Peter. I took a chance. I ran and jumped.

"HALLELUJAH!" I cried victoriously, as I landed on Black.

"Ow? Would you mind getting off me?" Black suggested.

"Whatever." I shrugged and ignored his request to get off him.

Lily let out a piercing scream,

"Ugh! The only way to make El Tortuga here, come is to marry Potter! And I will never wait-" she turned to Jamesie-deer and screamed at him, "Potter, you arrogant toe-rag! Propose to me!"

Not a very nice way to treat your future husband, hmm, sweetheart?

Jamesie-deer looked rather alarmed, and ran to the bathroom, and came back with a ring made out of a muggle lolly-snake.

He bent down on one knee and asked her,

"Oh Lily, dearest, Lilyflower, Lilypad, Lilywhatever, Lilything, will you marry me?" he asked hopefully.

I rolled off Black in laughter and onto the floor. Lilywhatever, Lilything? Man, I was in hysterics. Everyone was. Lily looked at the lolly as if her life depended on it.

"Yes, Potter, only so Rhiannon will go."

"KILLJOY!" I yelled.

Jamesie-deer looked mystified.

"Now you have to go!" she sing-songed.

"No, you only got engaged. You need to become his boyfriend and get married. I claim maid of honor!" I told her.

"Noooooo!" Lily wailed dramatically, "I got engaged to toe-rag for nothing?"

And the next thing I knew I was being dragged down the stairs, begging for mercy.

"MURDER IN THE HOUSE! MURDER IN THE HOUSE!" I screamed.

Man, Lily got on my nerves sometimes. I guess that's Lily for you.

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**If you liked this chapter as much as I did, review!**


	5. Of Formals, Lily and Amos

**A/N: EDITED :)**

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Lily _somehow_ convinced me to go to the ball. And now I had no choice but to go. She told Deslorié and Madame Maxime that I wasn't going to go because my date couldn't come, and they were both like, pffft, no one cares two shits - you still have to go. And before I tuned out, this is what they sounded like,

"Mademoiselle Zyvestre, dear! You must go to ze ball! You are ze model student for Beauxbatons! You must go to ze ball!" Madame Maxime had exclaimed.

Anyway, model student? More like reject.

"She must go to ze ball, yes!" Ah, Deslorié, I know you want to dig a hole, push me into it and then bury me alive, but um, you don't have to torture me to this extent. I'd rather go along with your _bury me in a hole alive plan._ She clapped her hands, before letting words I hoped she'd regret come out of her mouth, "We want only ze best reputation for Beauxbatons! Of course you must attend zis ball, here!"

By now, I was tuned out, Deslorié had began to ramble about some etiquette nonsense.

"See, Rhia? Madame Maxime and Professor Deslorié say you must go!" Lily gave a triumphant, no incredibly smug, sort of smirk.

"I hate you, Lily..." I muttered under my breath.

Slowly, we retreated away from the professor and the headmistress who were conversing in rapid French.

"Now, to find you a new date!" she smiled brightly.

"Who are you going with, Lily?" I pried.

"Amos Diggory." she smiled, happily, "Isn't that great?"

When James found out, Amos would be dead, I'd assume.

"James is going to kill him, you know," I said conversationally/more like nonchalantly even though there was a chance Lily's date was going to die.

"He touches Amos, he dies." Lily said defiantly.

"James isn't as bad as he seems, Lily. I'm not asking you to go out with him or anything, but he's really sweet and caring when you get to know him. If we weren't so close, he wasn't in love with you, and I didn't think of him as a brother, then I would've probably been dating him now. He can be a little arrogant and be a show off with his inflated ego, but at the end of the day, he's James. Give him a chance, not in romance, but as friends. He's a really nice guy." I attempted to sugar-coat James' personality, but I guess it came out sounding like I was reading out an advertisement for an owl selling business.

She rolled her eyes, and sighed.

"I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks he's arrogant. And I know he can be nice sometimes. When he wants to be."

I smiled. We had reached the Fat Lady's portrait. Then I panicked.

"Oh...shit! Shit, shit, shit! What's the password? Uh..."

Lily laughed at my antics.

"Calm down, Rhia. I'm a prefect. Devil's snare." she smiled, and the portrait swung open.

I glared at her and clambered through the hole. When Lily was out of seeing and hearing range, seeing as she was talking to Marlene, I took this opportunity to go to the boys dorms and tell James how I praised his apparent "saint like ways".

When I got up there I screeched,

"JAMES BLOODY CHARLUS POTTER! COME OVER HERE NOW!" The sound I was making resembled a cross between James's mother and Lily.

"Mum! What are you doing here!" James shrieked, "What did I forget this time! Mummy! Don't punish me!"

I must have done a better impersonation of James's mum than I thought.

Remus, Peter and Black (oh, Merlin forbid I look at Black's attractive face, again), after seeing their expressions, they were of the verge of laughter.

"Oh, Jamesie-deer, I didn't realize I was your mother!" I exclaimed, sounding very motherly and putting a hand on my hip.

We all cracked. Well, except for James. He wasn't very happy.

"Jamesie-poo! I did a good deed by telling Lily how ravishingly kind and daring you are!" I smiled at him angelically.

"You did?" he asked, beaming happily.

"Yeah! Now do a favor for me, Jamesie?" I asked him.

"Sure! Anything for you, Rhia!"

"Go to the ball with me?" I asked him.

He frowned considerably.

"Aren't you going with Moony? I can't take another marauder's girl."

My tongue clicked. "Full moon, James. No point in being subtle with you, huh?"

"Oh yeah...it is."

Dumbaaaass.


	6. Of Drama and Mission Impossible

**A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL MY REVIEWERS OUT THERE! I LOVE YOU GUYS! And a special mention of the one and only very special Drkness'sDaughter - to whom I dedicate this chapter to, and who I promised this chapter right here ages ago. She was the one who kept me going through my writer's block - thank her that this is up here! To make this chapter extra special, listen to the Mission: Impossible theme song while reading it!  
**

**If you're wondering why on earth this took so long, here are my excuses: Firstly, writers block killed off my spirit for a bit, and then after that I got grounded. I fail at life.**

**_You held your head like a hero  
On a history book page  
It was the end of a decade  
But the start of an age_**

_**Long live the walls we crashed through**_  
_**While the kingdom lights shined just for me and you**_  
_**I was screaming, long live all the magic we made**_  
_**And bring on all the pretenders, one day we will be remembered**_

**_- Taylor Swift, Long Live_**

**(This reminded me so much of Rhia and Sirius :D)**

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James agreed to go with me, and somehow, later on, Lily dragged me into agreeing to go dress shopping this weekend.

Mhm, I get what you're thinking.

Why on earth would someone like me, Rhiannon Max Sylvestre like to go dress shopping? Because it gave me a certain chance to spy on a certain group of four boys...and a certain grey eyed boy? Is that what you're asking? Yes? Yes? Maybe? No? Oh, whatever, I couldn't care less.

Right or wrong, I'll give you the much anticipated answer (you've begged me to tell you about, right?). I decided to start my plan to spy on Sirius Black. This is one of the days I actually can waste on writing a list. I mean, really, who spends their time on writing a list? Time is supposed to be used for other things. Like eating and sleeping.

So I sat on my bed, and wrote about things that are quite beneficial to the world. Well, beneficial to me, anyway.

_**Rhiannon Max Sylvestre's official piece of paper to plan and plan about how I can **__**kill Sirius Black and tell him I want to hex him into oblivion and also use his face as a punching bag**_

That's just weird. But you know, I'm awesomely weird like that. I'm an awesome freak in the freaks. Supernatural is my middle name. Wait...no it isn't - my middle name is Maxina - did I just say my given middle name? I mean, did I just think my given middle name? It's horribly - and that's precisely why I shorten my middle name to Max (hell yeah, Max sounds boss) or Xina (erm...not so boss). My parents have a knack for awful names. I picked up my wand, before waving it to get rid of the unnecessary words. So now it just said:

_**Rhiannon Max Sylvestre's official piece of paper to plan and plan about how I can **__**spy on Sirius Black**_

Then I began to list the techniques (well, steps, but techniques sounds boss. It's like what Bruce Lee would say - I know he's old - but what-ev-er) to become as stealthy as Spiderman (I know I shouldn't have picked up my cousin's muggle comics...).

_**1. Follow him.**_

_**2. Become a ninja.**_

_**3. Become the dude from Mission: Impossible.**_

_**4. Don't be seen.**_

_**5. Eavesdrop.**_

_**6. I think that's it already.**_

_**Backup plan if all else fails to go as planned**_

_**1. Run for your life until he is out of sight and you are safe.**_

_**2. (If that fails and he gets you) Don't let him call you a stalker.**_

_**3. I don't know.**_

_**4. Die.**_

_**5. Go to heaven.**_

_**6. Go to heaven's eat all you want buffet.**_

_**7. Stuff yourself until you get too heavy and drop back down to earth from the clouds.**_

_**8. Lose weight.**_

_**9. Repeat official plan steps. If that fails, repeat backup plan steps.**_

And from there, I got bored.

_**Rhiannon Max Sylvestre's List Of Attractive Boys**_

_**1. Remus Lupin**_

_**2. James Potter**_

_**3. I just don't know anymore.**_

_**4. Loads of boys stink, man.**_

_**5. Why are you asking me?**_

_**Rhiannon Max Sylvestre's List Of Prats And Unattractive Losers**_

_**1. Sirius Black**_

_**2. Snape the greasy git who needs to wash his hair.**_

_**3. Um. **_

_**4. Um.**_

_**5. Amos Diggory?**_

Well, well, that's good and all. What the heck do I do now?

I'm bored.

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_**MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE:**_

_**Your mission should you choose to accept**_** it-**

Course I'm gonna accept. I am Rhia Sylvestre. I never back down from a challenge.

**_-is to spy on Sirius Black and his date_ **_**Am**__élie LaRosse-_

cough _who finds her as dating material? she's a selfish stuck-up brat_cough...

_**-before spying on his fellow stormtroopers: Messrs. Moony (Remus Lupin), Prongs (James Potter) and Worm Guy (the popcorn bucket guy). After you have collected as much information as possible by only observing the subjects - you may return to Hogwarts/reward yourself with some butterbeer/do whatever/hang out with Lily Evans, Marlene McKinnon and Alice Prewett. Do you understand the mission you have agreed to take part in?**_

Sure.

_**Miss Sylvestre, if you're going to physically destroy Miss LaRosse or any french partial Veela former Beauxbatons students, please let us know. This message will self-destruct in five seconds.**_

Erm...okay? Now-

_**BOOM!**_

The note I had previously been holding reduced to a pile of ashes in my hand. Lovely. As I walked over to the fireplace of the common room to throw the remains of the letter in, I bumped into someone - taller than me.

...DAMN IT! I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE WITH BLONDE HAIR AND BLUE EYES ARE TALLER THAN ME!

Wait, that could only be...

Amélie LaRosse.

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**AHAHA! WHO'S JEALOUS OF LA ROSSE NOW, HUH, RHIA?**

**Reviews would make me so so happy, you know?**

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	7. Of Being Officially Screwed

**_Dear Merlin, could you make my life any worse than it already is? Sincerely, Sirius._**

"B-b-but Siri! Why not Madam Puddifoots!"

-insert gagging noises here- Merlin, this girl is bloody annoying. She needs to go to the mental facility that locks up annoying people. You know…..something like Azkaban, except muggles call it…..er…what does Evans say when she insults Prongsie? Oh yeah! Aislums? Asilums?

Evans' voice rang through my poor ears:

_"NO, YOU DUMBSHIT! IT'S AN ASYLUM!"_

What the heck did I do to make Evans corrupt my sanity? Nothing! I'm an innocent soul!

_"BULLSHIT! WHAT ABOUT THOSE TIMES WHEN YOU TURNED MY HAIR BLUE? AND WHEN YOU CHARMED MY FOOD TO YELL 'GO OUT WITH ME, EVANS' IN POTTER'S VOICE? YOU'RE NOT INNOCENT!"_

Conscience, I order you to stop playing Evans' voice.

Now what's her name again? Amalia Larse or something? Well, she needs to go to an asylum.

"Look, love, I told you, we're not going there, just _because._" I told her for the millionth time, sighing.

"But why not?" she asked again, her shrilly voice implanting its way into my brain like the Ultra Thick Pearly White/Crystal Clear Super-Glue from Scribbulus Writing Implements had pasted it fresh into my mind.

NOT ANOTHER BLOODY VOICE!

Merlin, you've made me go bonkers…..

Beside the point, this witch has the IQ of a peanut. Gah. Is it that hard to understand the logic behind the word because?

**_Dear Sirius, your request has been taken into evaluation, and the council of misfortunes has agreed to make your life a living hell. Sincerely, Merlin. _**

"Love, because I said so, because."

"Why?" she whined cluelessly.

BECAUSE! BLOODY BECAUSE! UNDERSTAND THE LOGIC BEHIND THE WORD BECAUSE! WHY DON'T YOU APPRECIATE THE MAGIC BEHIND THE WORD BECAUSE?

"Well, you see, sweetheart, I hate the colour pink, periwinkle and magenta, and those colours are plastered all over Madam Puddifoots walls, so hell to Madam Puddifoots."

"What? I LOVE THE COLOUR PINK! YOU JUST INSULTED MY FAVOURITE COLOUR!" she screamed as-a-matter-of-factly before bursting into tears.

Damn, I was never good with Beauxbatons girls.

This just keeps on getting more and more bloody awkward. Darn these French tarts.

**_Dear Merlin, I hate you more than that guy that threw grapefruits at me at the muggle fruit market. Sincerely, Sirius._**

Well, haters are gonna hate. And truly, damn Merlin, damn Amalia and damn Rhia. Damn Rhia for ripping out my heart on it before stomping on it (yes, yes, I know, _MEN – yes, I'm a manly beast -_ aren't supposed to admit that…) then bashing it with a meat mallet. And then time passes by, and it begins to heal. What comes next? She comes back with her bloody meat mallet before hammering it twice as hard by hanging out 24/7 with your best mates.

_Remus Lupin and James Potter, I AM GOING TO SHRED YOU ALIVE. THEN ROAST YOU. THEN EAT YOU WITH SALSA AND GUACAMOLE. YOU ARE GOING TO BE BASHED! AND MASHED! INTO MASHED POTATOES!_

That makes me a bloody cannibal, doesn't?

Whatever.

Someone tell me, what the flying fuck do you do when you're in love with the one that hates you most?

Nothing?

Fuck it.

_Bloody well, fuck my life and its tangled mess._

* * *

**_MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE_**

**_TIME: Dunno._**

**_Mood Status: Dude, I need a cappuccino. With whipped cream. Yeah._**

**_Current Activity: Eavesdropping on Black and LaRosse_**

**_Objective: Right now? To get a cappuccino._**

"Remus…..?" I whispered into his ear, softly. Softly enough anyway.

He jumped, before reaching into his pocket and taking his wand out, "GAAAAH, WHAT? I'LL HAVE YOU REPORTED TO THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC FOR KIDNAPPING ME, YOU KNOW? I'LL- oh. Rhia. It's you. Don't scare me like that again."

He drew back his outstretched hand holding his wand, before shoving it back in the pocket again.

"Um, Remus?" I touched his arm tentatively, STUFF THE MISSION, DO WHATEVER…..

**_MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE:_**

**_Your mission should you choose to accept__ it-_**

Mission accepted.

**_-is to make a dramatic scene that catches Sirius Black's attention and makes him jealous -_**

What? I don't even like him!

**_-before destroying Miss LaRosse's life in a quick and easy manner. You have two months to complete this task._**

Oh, hell yeah, LaRosse, watch out – your life is gonna be blown to bits.

**_Miss Sylvestre, evade the authorities – Professor McGonagall, Professor Dumbledore and the rest of Hogwarts' staff. This message will self-destruct in five seconds._**

Easier said than done.

**_BOOM!_**

Ooof.

And I stumbled back, watching the paper blow to bits, before landing as an ashy pile of the cobblestone path.

"What was that?" Remus exclaimed, alarmed.

"Something. Play along."

"What?"

I dragged him half-heartedly over to Rosa Lee Teabag (awful store – nearly as bad as Madam Puddifoots') which Black and LaRosse just so happened to be in - and just before I opened the amaranth and fuchsia paint covered door (love hearts painted on the door in cerise pink, just in case you were asking, and no, I do not know these shades of pink off by heart – _okay, _okay, I do. Stuff Beauxbatons). I smiled (a very fake smile, if you ask me, learned at Beauxbatons' etiquette class. BLOODY CONCIENCE! I THOUGHT I SAID **STUFF BEAUXBATONS**!) so hard, it pulled at the corners of my lips so hard that I thought I was going to DIEEEEE.

Yes, I know, I'm being overdramatic. Close enough, though.

"What are you doing to me?" Remus demanded.

"Play along, Remus, play along." I hissed in his ear. Merlin forbid anyone heard that.

"What the _hell are you_ doing here?" LaRosse hissed at me cheerily, smiling like a Cheshire cat, making a "friendly" gesture with one hand, and with Black struggling to get out of her cobra death grip made by using the other. All this could have been a friendly conversion involving lovely compliments being exchanged, if the snarl on 'hell are you' had been vanished with Evanesco. Yeah.

"Y-y-yeah! W-what," he choked, barely breathing, "Are you doing here, Moony?" he questioned him once he began to inhale oxygen, "And you too, Rhi-Sylvestre?"

Before Remus could let his _PREPOSTEROUS _excuse come whirling out of his lips, I clapped one hand over his mouth and said the first thing that came into my head.

"WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD! THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF OZ! I LOVE YOU REMUS, MARRY MEEEE!" I yelled, before removing my hand from his lips and kissing him.

Bloody hell, what was I thinking?

After I pulled away, I looked at the lovely expressions of LaRosse and Black. A livid one from Black followed by a growling noise like 'traitor' coming out from his lips directed to Remus, and an incredulous look escaping from behind the cheerful mask of LaRosse.

My sanity is slipping away from me isn't it?

I, Rhiannon Max Sylvestre officially proclaim that **I AM BLOODY WELL SCREWED. URGGH.**

**I just died.**

Ugh.

Bugger.

* * *

**A/N: Rhia...is so impulsive going on instinct. Not thinking things before doing them. Next chapter, I'll be digging into Rhia and Sirius' past relationship.**

**NOTE: Yes, I realize second year was when they were twelve. But - in my fic, Sirius believes in true love at first sight. Rhia was a giggling, Sirius Black fangirl. So you know, they got together. Even if it meant when they were twelve (it was near the end of the year, they were almost 13).**

**WELL, I WOULD LOVE IF YOU LEFT A REVIEW...**

**Bree**

**(if you review, I'll update more for you...)**


	8. Of Pies, Quidditch and James Potter

**_I can taste the tension like a cloud of smoke in the air  
Now I'm breathing like I'm running cause you're taking me there  
Don't you know...you spin me out of control_**

**_- Jessie J, Domino_**

Whew.

The tension in the air had been so thick I could have cut it with a butter knife. And stabbed it.

Well, more like that's what I had been doing to the poor pie I was supposed to have eaten, which was now in an irregular state. Yes, I devote life servitude to the foundation that has the activity of abusing pies. _Not. _

I managed to get some of the squashed berry pie on my fork, before swallowing the forkful of- "Rhia, you should really join the quidditch team."

I coughed.

And sputtered.

And choked.

I dropped the fork on the plate before rubbing my eyes – which were now watery and probably red, I'll have you know- and managing to say:

"_Hell no, James."_

"Please?"

NOW YOU WAIT A SECOND. YOU JUST MADE ME CHOKE ON MY BLOODY PIE AND YOU EXPECT ME TO JOIN YOUR _**STUPID LITTLE QUIDDITCH TEAM? **_WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

This day, my friend (who cares if you're my acquaintance or enemy - whatever…), is THE MOST DRAMATIC DAY OF MY LIFE. Here, let me tell the tale of previous events that have happened today.

**List of things that decided to happen that screwed up my lovely day - damn you fates.**

_**First, LA ROSSE STEPPED ON MY TOE. MY GORGEOUS TOE IS RUINED FOR ETERNITY! NOOOOO!**_

_**Second, I got a stupid mission from these anonymous people telling me to make a scene that makes Black jealous (who the hell wants to do that?) and ruin LaRosse's life.**_

_**Third, I snogged – kissed WHATEVER YOU FANCY Remus Lupin (you're just jealous now, aren't you?) who's lips tasted like hazelnut chocolate – mmmm…..**_

_**Fourth, I think Black hates Remus now – I just ruined their friendship, didn't I? And I think Black hates me more than Remus (oh, that's an understatement – he hates me like ).**_

_**Fifth, I BLOODY WELL CHOKED ON MY BLOODY BERRY PIE, THANKS TO THE EVER SO LOVING JAMES BLEEDING POPSICLE POTTER. I LOVE YOU TOO.**_

_**Sixth, he (refer to James Potter in previous paragraph) wants me to join the quidditch team. I. JUST. DIED. BE THERE AT MY FUNERAL AND BURIAL WILL YOU? THANK YOU. HOW UNDERSTANDING.**_

"No."

"Why not?"

WHY NOT? BECAUSE YOU BLEEDING NEARLY MADE MY CHOKE TO MY DEATH. DECORATE MY DEATHBED WITH FLOWERS, PLEASE.

"Because."

"Because what?"

"Let me get this straight. I. AM. NOT. GOING. TO. BLOODY. WELL. JOIN. THE. QUIDDITCH. TEAM."

"Why?"

I hate paradoxes. Damn right, I do.

* * *

**Hi :D this chapter was actually going to be longer, there was going to be more screaming, less humor, Marlene (McKinnon) was going to have some time from her POV to balance out Rhia and Sirius' craziness, there was going to be some nice squishy soft marshmallow Lily - BUT I wanted to get some reading material up for you guys and not keep you waiting (this chapter was supposed to be up on Saturday/Sunday). So be expected for war with Sirius, Peter, Lily, Dorcas (Meadowes) and Mary (MacDonald) VS Rhia, Remus, Marlene, James and...Regulus! And don't forget Evan Rosier! Regulus and Evan will be part of this epic battle too...**

**And thankyou sososososo much for your AWESOME reviews - Black Roses Wilt, ZeldaEverdeen, 1DirectionIsMyHusbandsBitches, rosieallie (xxxooo feel better), siriuslove and of course MsTonksLupin who I would go crazy without because I would be deprived of her gorgeous reviews!**

**Reviews will make my day!**

**PLEASE REVIEW (I feel the need to beg...)**

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	9. Of Ballet, Mutant Cabbages and Potions

**So yeah. Sorry for the extremely long wait, here's the first chapter. Oh, and that war thing - I've pushed it further back in the fic, I'm going to introduce a few people who deserve to get to be known.**

* * *

_**"All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted  
Was an in between to escape this desperate scene"**_

_**- Kelly Clarkson, All I Ever Wanted**_

* * *

When I was young, I had a natural talent for dance. All I ever wanted was to dance without my parents' wrath hovering over me correcting each mistake – _I wanted to dance in my own free reign._

"_Honey, just lift your leg a little higher and your attitude en pointe will be perfect!"_

_Her pale face was tired, not to mention flushed a vibrant red, sweat trickling from her brow. Her dirty blonde hair was matted – tangled into a huge clump. "I can't! I won't! You can't make me! My leg is as high as it goes!"_

"_Sweetheart, just bring your leg up a bit, and then we can go home," her mother told her._

"_I CAN'T!" she screamed, bringing her leg down from the position and collapsing onto the floor in a heap of sweat, tulle and voile._

"_Now, Rhia," her mother began warningly, "don't be difficult. Just finish the last move to conclude the dance."_

"_IT HURTS!" she wailed, combing through the ends of her hair with her fingers, attempting to straighten it out._

"_What would your ballet instructor say about this?"_

"_Miss Miyake doesn't care two shits about what practice I do," she said nonchalantly, "she thinks I'm doing fine by her standards anyway." _

_For an eight year old, her language was vile – her extensive knowledge of profanity was unmistakable._

_Rhiannon Sylvestre's character could only be defined as odd. She was a stand out from the crowd._

But that never happened. As I grew older, my parents began to put more and more pressure on my every single time they were watching my concerts, performances and rehearsals. One day, the day when they criticized my arabesque, it was the last straw for me. When I was twelve, I lost hope in my dreams to become a professional ballet dancer.

And I felt like I needed to hurt someone, because my parents hurt me.

_So I hurt Sirius. I tore him into shreds. I swear it was an accident, and I regret it. _

I was in double potions with the Slytherins and the other Gryffindors. Sure, many were peering meticulously at the instructions, unlike me who was dumping the ingredients in, obviously not following the potion instructions in the book, much to Lily's protests.

_**Plunk.**_

The liquid in the cauldron rippled, before foamy bubbles started to rise to the top of the pot, turning the once green murky substance a hot pink.

_**Plunk.**_

In went the Syrup of Hellebore, turning the vibrant shade of pink a blue as blue as violets.

_**Plunk.**_

I dropped in a green cabbage like plant and-

"RHIA! RHIA! YOU JUST RUINED THE POTION! MERLIN SAVE ME! WE'RE GONNA DIE, WE'RE GONNA DIE! AAAAAAAAH! RHIA! WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO? WE'RE DOOMED FOR ETERNITY! IN MY WILL I GIVE MARLENE MY NAIL POLISH, DORCAS MY CLOTHES, REMUS MY BOOKS AND-"

I smirked, before leaning back in my chair.

"Godric, Lily. Chill, really, there's nothing wrong with the potion, I mean it's like sunshine, lollipops, rainbows and- ohmygod what the hell is that?"

A wave of green cabbage like plants appeared from nowhere and started to jump – and I mean jump - towards us. Then the wave duplicated and….you really don't want to know the rest, do you?

Well, I'm going to tell you anyway.

James started screaming like a little girl when a cabbage started to come at him. He lost his glasses. Black was all like "I'm awesome, I'm cool like Chuck Norris, yeah, come at me bro" until a cabbage jumped from the table to onto his head – which resulted in screaming from him. Remus just shook his head, and walked out of the classroom – his desk was closest to the door. Lily started to shriek in horror, it started like a tornado warning alarm. Lucius Malfoy was edging to the door with his hands covering his face. Bellatrix Black, being the good (not) citizen she was, just continued to do her work (minus her evil cackling).

It was chaos.

Then all I remember is letting a bloody huge cabbage eat me alive. Or so I thought.

Then blurriness.

Then black.

_I never thought the day I nearly died would be from an overgrown cabbage nearly eating me because of a potion gone wrong (I really should have listened to Lily) and the person that saved me would be no one other than…._

I looked into my oh-so-AWESOME savior's eyes.

"Lance?"

* * *

**Now, I've got 10 questions for you. Trivia, random questions and so on so forth.**

**1. What is Rhia's (full) middle name?**

**2. Who do you think Lance is?**

**3. What un-releasted movie are you dying to see in the cinema? (extra points for The Amazing Spiderman, Snow White and the Huntsman and Katy Perry: Part of Me)**

**4. What is the freakiest (overall) movie you've ever seen (Prometheus. It's got me creeped).**

**5. Who is your favourite character so far in How I Broke The Marauder's Heart?**

**6. What is your favourite book series minus the Harry Potter series?**

**7. Which canon next-gen character do you love (list one platonic and one non platonic) the most?**

**8. Converse or Vans and why? **

**9. Can you snap your fingers?**

**10. What or who do you want to see more of this fic?**

**11. Do you like the story pic?**

**And that's it.**

**So IF you do answer my questions, at some point in time, I will write a chapter dedicated to you.**

**Clear?**

**Yes?**

**Mhm.**

**/end of A/N. Sorta.**

**(sorry for the super long authors' note).**


	10. Of Awkwardness, Weight Loss and Lance

**I'm an idiot. So like I had this all typed up and ready to go but the POOF! One and a half pages of it disappeared like the wind, so I had to rewrite that all. So. This chapter is dedicated to Drkness'sDaughter (being the awesome person she is), FreeLover (now has 100 reviews for he fic Mischief - go check it out) and MsTonksLupin (who has just ended two of her fics - sadly). hmdchickadee - dedication spaces are full for this chapter so the next chapter will be yours :) Quidditch will be pretty major in the next chapter - I like to take in reader feedback. And Vi (Drkness'sDaughter), you are in luck. The punching commences.**

* * *

**Just tell me how I got this far **  
**Just tell me why you're here and who you are **  
**'Cause every time I look **  
**You're never there **  
**And every time I sleep **  
**You're always there **

**- Michelle Branch, Everywhere**

* * *

I skipped into the common room Rhia style.

Not the "I'm as happy as Larry right now, I could eat two boxes of cereal without soy milk" skip, but the "I'm Rhia and you know it" skip, you know the one where you flaunt your hair, swing your hips, have a confident smirk on your lips, yeah, that one.

Hey, that rhymes!

I should be a poet one day.

But then again, poets suck. No one ever buys their poems. They all end up as poor beggars drinking piss from gutters. That gets people nowhere in life, my dears.

Going back to the subject, I sauntered/skipped awesomely/swaggered like Mick Jagger (not really, Mick Jagger is an ugly sack of potatoes even though his songs are damned awesome) towards the red armchair by the fire that Remus was sitting on, clutching a bag of ice pressed to his cheek.

"Remus, baby," I said, with large Bambi-esque doe eyes (after all, it was my fault he had gotten a fist from Black), "I know you love me and all, but I'm breaking up with you."

Confuzzled, my minions?

You should be.

And now another flashback brought to you by Rhia and her foot and her potato sack.

* * *

"_BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU! YOU KNEW I LIKED HER AND YOU GO OFF AND DO THIS," Black roared before gesturing to me, "TO THE FUCKING GIRL I'VE BEEN PINING OVER FOR AGES! SHE IS MY GIRL, LUPIN! MY. GIRL. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"_

_Before poor old Moony could put in a word in, I just told Black what was on my mind - which was,_

"_Whoa, Black. Someone's clearly PMSing. And dude, I'm not your girl. Me and you aren't all chummy enemies with benefits that go touchy-feely with each other. In fact, Blackie, I shagged a gazillion boys back in France so I am definitely, NOT. YOUR. GIRL. UNDERSTOOD, BLACKIE?" _

"_Rhia-"_

"_DON'T YOU DARE RHIA ME,PUFFERFISH!" I screamed, raising my fists in defense, "GO TO THE HOPPING BUNNY LAND WITH LOLLIPOPS WHERE YOU CAME FROM, YOU COCKROACH CLUSTER! GO BACK TO AUSTRIA! AND IRELAND! AND WHAT'S-THAT-PLACE-CALLED-ELVANIA! IS THAT EVEN A PLACE? NO? FUCKING GO BACK TO WHAT'S-HER-FACE-VILLE! THAT'S AN ACTUAL PLACE IN MY HEAD, YOU KNOW! SO GO THERE AND BLOOD DON'T COME BACK!"_

_And I screeched that all in one breath._

"_Rhia, calm down." Remus murmured, placing an arm on my shoulder._

_WRONG MOVE, REMUS BRO, WRONG MOVE._

_While Remus was busy distracted, trying to sooth me, Black took that chance to proclaim his victory._

"_TAKE THAT, BITCH, AND LEARN NOT TO FUCK WITH ME!"_

_And his fist punctured his face._

_Erm, crappymoleyshit, FAIL._

* * *

I swear everything I said there was true. Except for the shagging a gazillion boys. I admit it was four. And that's because I decided to get piss drunk in a muggle club.

Oh, and the bit where What's-Her-Face-Ville is real in my head. It really isn't.

Honest to Merlin.

Anyway.

"Rhia, you know we were never dating, and you kissed me to infuriate Sirius." Remus plastered a grimacy sorta smile across his face.

"Well, I'm sorry that I totally ruined your friendship with him?" I offered instead, and instead of the words I spoke sounding deep and meaningful life crap, it came out like a question.

"You don't mean that, do you?" he sighed, telling me what I already knew.

"If you want the blunt and honest truth, then yes, I don't mean it." I stated.

"Cool." he muttered.

"Good." I replied.

"Good."

"Right."

"Um, yeah, right. I'll just be going, now…." I said, backing away from him.

"Uh, yeah, cool, you do that." Remus said, feeling the tension.

"Righto."

"Yeah."

And that was the end of that awkward situation.

* * *

"Rhia! I forgot to tell you something!" Lance exclaimed, running towards me, his cheeks puffed and red as if he had just ran a marathon.

"Mhmmm?" I asked, not really asked, more like mumbled, twirling a lock of hair around my finger.

"Maxie proposed to Vic and they're going to get married-"

"DEAR MERLIN! HONESTLY, LANCE CIPRIANO! UH, HOW COULD YOUR FORGET SOMETHING MAJOR LIKE THIS! I MEAN, MAXIE GETTING MARRIED TO VICKY! MORGANA HELP ME! FORGETTING SOMETHING LIKE THAT IS INEXCUSABLE!"

"and I'll be their best man. Did I mention Maxie and Vic want you to be their maid of honor and Abby, you know Vic's sister, will be designing the dress-"

"AM I FAT? TELL ME I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT! I'M FAT AREN'T I? WILL I BE ABLE TO FIT INTO THE DRESS? SERIOUSLY, WHAT COLOUR ARE THE DRESS? PLEASE TELL ME ABBY DID NOT CHOOSE HOT PINK FOR THE DRESS!" I wailed dramatically, pinching my side for good measure.

"so I'm here to collect you 'cause they want you in Paris tomorrow and just happened to save you from" insert a snort and various different sounding coughs (disguised laughing) coming from Lance's fat gob here, "jumping cabbages."

"Paris?" I yelped, "Tomorrow? Are you joking me?"

"Nope!' Lance exclaimed, popping the p in nope.

My eyes widened, and I started running towards the common room.

"I NEEDA PACK!" I yelled to Lance, my hair flying into my GORRRGEOUS (ahem, note sarcasm there) face.

* * *

**Can anyone tell I'm a Hush, Hush fan much? If you haven't read the Hush, Hush series by Becca Fitzpatrick then go and read it. Seriously. Then come and blab to me about how HOT Patch is. Kay?**

**LOVE YOU IF YOU REVIEW**

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	11. Of Rhia and James in Paradise

**A/N: Erm. So this is what the result is of me desperate to get something up crossed with being sleep deprived crossed with bruised fingers. Even so, I still LOVE this chapter. Hope you like! hmdchickadee, this is for you :) Violet and Stella - you two are the bessssst :DDDDD**

* * *

"Jamie. Um. Black. Uh, seriously." I gaped like a goldfish. "Honestly, did you seriously _purposely _almost kill or putting it in the nicest way possible severely injure one of your dearest members of the quidditch team just because you thought if she was severely injured, she wouldn't be able to play so you'd have to reopen the a beater's position to other people – and you wanted me to tryout so in fact you did this all because you wanted me to join the team."

Yeah, buds, I said that whole thing in one breath. Eat dust.

So being the _nice _person I am, I'll fill you in on the gaps.

Remus and Black were BFFs (Naw, best friends forever. How cute) again, doing their regular pranking together again.

James/Black (one of them anyway,) had nearly killed Black's co beater, whose full name is America Russia France. Her parents are probably either history teachers or who knows, maybe they're just unoriginal people who tried to come up with unique names, but failed to search the dictionary to find out the meanings of those words they decided to choose.

In four hours, Lance was taking me by Side-Along Apparition to Paris.

So that sums that up. So back to the conversation:

"It wasn't me, Rhia! It was Padfoot! He completely conked her off the broom by hitting a bludger at her when she wasn't looking!" James cried accusingly, throwing his hands into the air.

"Well, Prongs, you said the only way we could get on the team was by injuring one of our team mates severely and distressingly!" Black yelped, not meeting my eyes.

"I said _severely but discreetly_! And I didn't ask you to do it for me!"

"It was implied!"

"Oh, really!"

"Yes, really!"

"And I should know whether I implied it or not!"

"Yes, you should! And you did!"

"I did not!"

"Oh, yes you did!"

"Uh-"

And then I kissed James. Originally the purpose was to shut him up. But it turned into something else. OH SHIT - BRAIN HELP ME WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS. OH WOW, JAMIE IS AN EXCELLENT KISSER. I LURVE YOU JAMES'S MOUTH.

WHY THE HELL DON'T WE DO THIS ALL THE TIME!

I DON'T KNOW. JAMES. ANSWER ME WITH YOUR TELEPATHIC SKILL CAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO STOP YOUR MOUTH SKILLS.

James was a good kisser. A brilliant snogger. I really wanted to rip his shirt off and swoon at his droolworthy abs, but you know, we were...still on the quidditch pitch with Black watching us like we were barmy. Oh, he was jealous.

Now.

Where was I?

His tongue touched mine, just barely. And Godric, did it feel good. He pulled me closer, and of course I didn't resist. My hands worked their way up to his messed up hair, and it felt...right. Like bliss. An electric thrill ran down my spine, my pulse quickened, adrenaline running through my veins. I shivered, instinctively, as his fingers traced my jawline, moved higher, brushed against my cheekbone.

There was just me and him.

My best friend James and I.

Wait, WHAT?!

Shit. My best friend Lily is in loved with him. But they say, live in the moment. And we stood there lips pressed against each other's for what seemed like forever.

When he pulled away, he whispered my name.

"Rhia." he murmured, stroking my hair.

"James." I whispered, back.

It didn't help that Lily had just arrived in the picture, and she looked...crestfallen. Hurt.

It was like a repeat of the incident in Hogsmeade, only that James was Remus and Lily was LaRosse.

Let damnination begin.

"I'll see you after I come back from France, James," I said, squeezing his hand affectionately. "You too, Lily." I forced a smile.

"Black." I nodded curtly at him, before turning away.

* * *

**And there you go. So I have a small question for you readers. I have two fanfictions in mind to start writing so I'm like just wondering which you think I should get off my lazy arse for. So here's a brief excerpt of no. 1 -**

The name's Sirius Black - unique name, hm? Don't wear it out. Okay, so I probably sound like a teenage girl practicing for her boyfriend in front of the mirror. It was meant to come out suave and charming and sexy, I assure you. Don't believe me? I have a huge number of fans who can back that fact up. Speaking of fans, Remus says "not everyone in Hogwarts likes you". That's a blasphemy - everyone likes me, the ultimate sex god, Sirius Black! To prove him wrong, I'm going to start a slambook. And in it - one of the questions will be: what do you think of Sirius Black? And if someone doesn't like me, I'm going to track them down.

**here's the second -**

Seriously, being a death eater isn't what it seems. You have to go through a whole lot of training - if you're some pudgy dude that sits on the couch all day eating fries and hot sauce and doesn't have a level of fitness, honestly, you're probably not going to make it into The Dark Lord's inner circle. And the thing that sucks about this whole training thing is - you're not allowed to fall in love - it's probably first in bold letters on my imaginary "things that are not allowed in death eater training" chart. That sucks, I've got a thing for the Black brothers, one of them a blood traitor and the other - my best friend. Life is cruel.

**Tell me what you think of them :)**

**Anyway, so back to the world of How I Broke The Marauder's Heart, I've got exams for next week and week after, so wish me luck. Updates will have to be then, but I'll try and fit some in. Next chapter is in Paris! You'll get to meet the mysterious Maxie, Vic and Abby in the next chapter who I have taken a liking to. Lance is like a major character there too, so yeah. Sorry for the long A/N, it's almost over. Just a few more things, I'd love it if you could do me a small favour and check out Mischief by FreeLover not to mention ****Of Strawberry Fields and Fools on the Hills by MsTonksLupin. **I promise you won't be wasting your time.

**Review!**

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**- Bree**


	12. Of French Swears, Pink Dresses and Fail

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to **_MsTonksLupin, _**for being one of the bestest reviewers ever (is bestest even a word?) and**_ Drkness'sDaughter _**for being the other bestest reviewer ever (well, bestest is a word now) ****and also to **_BlackRose3165_**for answering the quiz-trivia thing.**

* * *

It was like watching a tennis match.

Abby and Vic were fighting over what colour the Vic's dress should be. I craned my head over to see what on earth Abby was screaming about now.

"Are you _plaisanterie moi_, Vic?" Abby shrieked, with her hands on her hips. "Did you say that you wanted your dress to be _rose_? Honestly, being my older sister, I thought you'd at least have some….._sens de la mode_!"

Vic looked furious.

"Well, _excusez-moi! _It is my wedding, after all! If I want my wedding dress to be _rose, _then it will be! If you want, by all means show up to my wedding like a _chienne _or a _pute _in whatever _cinglé couleur_ you want, Abby! I'm talking about what I want for my wedding dress, not yours!"

I winced at Vic's use of language; it wasn't like her to use it, especially against her sister. Abby looked extremely offended.

"Did you call me a _chienne _and a _pute_? I was just trying to offer my opinion so you didn't end up looking like a _fou _on your wedding day!"

"Well, I never asked for your opinion! I personally think that pink is a lovely colour!" Vic exclaimed huffily, crossing her arms over her chest, "Don't you agree, Max?"

My brother, Maxie, or rather, Vic's future husband looked up from the ground to meet Vic's intense glare.

"U-uh, yeah. Of course, love."

Knowing Maxie, he couldn't have cared less about the colour pink, let alone what she showed up wearing to the wedding. He probably didn't know what the question was anyway.

"Exactly, Abby, see, even Max knows that pink is a lovely colour!" she snapped, running a hand through her hair.

"I bet he doesn't even know what you asked him!"

Oh, Maxie was to be dead.

"Okay, Max, what was the question that I asked you before?"

"What you thought of the colour pink," I muttered under my breath.

"It was what I thought of the colour pink, right?" Maxie asked feigning innocence, before shooting Vic a "charming" grin.

"Charming" with quotation marks, because if thought my brother's grin was charming, that'd just be gross. Ew.

"That's only because Rhia told him, Victoria!" Abby screeched, stomping a foot.

Lance nudged me in the side and gave me _the look: cue let's get outta here._

And so, my eloquent excuse was,

"Uhhhh, guys, I've got to use the bathroom. Would you mind showing me, Lance?" I blurted out.

"Sure, Rhia, let's go." Lance replied, placing an arm around my waist.

Maxie gave him the glare. "Maybe I should go with Rhia. I don't know what inappropriate conduct you guys are going to do in there."

I raised an eyebrow questioningly, "Inappropriate conduct?"

"If you go to the bathroom, you will not touch her in any un-platonic way, you will not kiss her, you will not snog her, you will not shag her, you will not rape her, you will not do anything- and I mean anything, Lance, inappropriate." Maxie said, listing the things on his fingers.

"Um, Max, I don't think he understands what sex is," I said, trying me best not to laugh and plastering an angelic smile on my face.

Lance's eyes widened in extreme horror.

"Uh…." Maxie's eyes flickered to me, then to Lance, and awkwardly, he began, seemingly determined to get through this, "Well…..um, Lance, the art of sex," I started to cough/disguise my laughing as coughs, "is the start of….babies being made. Well, first a man puts his um…..banana into a woman's fish lips…."

I muffled my laughter in my sleeve and oh Godric, honestly, my brother was an awkward citizen.

"Max," Lance held up a hand in attempts to silence him, "you're my best mate, but uh, you don't have to give me the talk. Now, I'll be taking Rhia," he grabbed my arm, "to the bathroom now."

"Remember, Lance! Don't you dare touch my sister, and well, if she lets you – don't let him Rhia! – use protection!" Maxie called.

* * *

translations

**plaisanterie moi - joking me**

**rose - pink**

**sens de la mode - sense of fashion**

**excusez-moi - excuse me**

**chienne - bitch**

**pute - whore**

**cinglé couleur - crazy colour**

**fou - lunatic**

* * *

**so there we go. First chapter in France! :) how do you like Max/Maxie, Vic/Victoria, Abby and Lance? I hope you enjoyed reading this! Eh, and since this is my fic, I feel like doing some shameless plugging on my fic **to run away is to be a coward **and/or **smirk **because I think they deserve some love too :p next chapter will be told from Sirius' POV so brace yourself for the drama...**

**Review, cause' you're all so nice (and seriously, it'll motivate me to start writing the next chapter)**

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